


All the shouts, the S.O.S

by Mio_Mediator



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Depression, Existential Crisis, Gen, Homestuck - Freeform, I swear it's a Homestuck story not a Undertale one X), M/M, Magic, SBURB session, Trans Male Character, alpha teens, alternate self means that his life bifurcated from mine, at a certain point and experienced different things, idk how long the chapters or this work is going to be, metaphysical powers, original character is alternate self-insert, references to the Undertale universe, suicide ideation
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-24
Updated: 2020-07-24
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:34:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25076959
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mio_Mediator/pseuds/Mio_Mediator
Summary: A dimension traveler get himself lost (on purpose) in space. What he didn't expect was to be found by a group of teenagers playing a dead-like session of a real-life video game. Maybe after months of growing void, he can finally find a new purpose to his life there.
Relationships: Jake English/Dirk Strider, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Kudos: 1





	All the shouts, the S.O.S

**Author's Note:**

> You're lost. And you're not sure how keep sending texts into the void would help.

You're lost.

Said like that, people could get the idea that you ventured into a crowd or randomly slipped into narrow back alleys.  
No, eh. Right now you wished it was the case though.

Except instead your body is just floating in the middle of space, population: you and your desperation.  
When you realized where you were, meaning nowhere recognizable, you stopped and wait for your brain to process it. Not even five seconds had passed, as slowly cold sweat and panic made you caught up with your current predicament: disoriented (nothing new if not the geo(?)graphical position), shivering out of stress (and space), sans food rations (what were you thinking? dingus), and urgently needing oxygen?! That's what your mind considered important on the scale of priorities to deliver to you.  
But for the latter, you appear to be just fine (whatthefuckwhatthefuckhowisthatpossible).

You were fine at first, alone with a certain sensation of freedom, far from your routine, and the phantom monster eating you inside. At least, you thought it would go away.  
_You know that's a lie._ Besides, it's wrong calling it like that. All the monsters you encountered are so sweet! Well okay, they all tried to kill you at first, but then you almost immediately befriend them! True it wasn't easy, you died so many times before getting there.  
es̶p̶e̶c̶i̶a̶l̶l̶y̶ ̶a̶t̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶e̶n̶d̶s̶

You try to redirect your attention from your renew impending **Doom** to your surroundings. You think of shouting (for help, or out of frustration..), just to remember that it wouldn't do anything as sound can't spread in space.

Ṇ̰̟͎͇̪̬͙͍̥̩̥́̓͑̅̿̓o̩̞̩̪͕̤̓̾͗̇́̅̄͂͆͗̏ o̙̮̝͓̘͌̂̔̿n͕̰̪̪̟͙̞̅͒̀͆̔e͎̲̘̪̤̱̿͐̏́̄͐̍̾͑̈́͌̾ͅ c̖̠͇͍̠̥̙̰̠̣̘̈̿̒͐̔͗̾̓͒̂a̝̗̯͖͎̠̰͕̝͈̎́̾̿̔͒n̳͉̘̦͉͈̫͇͙̭̈̆͋̓̆̈́̾͊̃̚ h̰̯̤͇̝͖̣͂͛̂̇́e͖̩̥̞͈̖͈̍̈̆͗̄̋͐̚à̳̯̯̞͓͚̳͉̩͙̥̗͂̌͛͑̂̉̍̇͆r͕͈͈̠̙͙̪̬͖͉̤͉̿̊̈́̽̀́̋͋ y̗̮͉͓͉̰̐̾̏̓̋͊̚o̫̩̥͖̔̾̽̓̀͗͂̐̃͊ǘ̖͍̭̥͚̣̦̠̖̘͔̞̍͊͗͆̑̌̚. 

So that's why you've been dabbling on your phone, keeping you occupied and preventing you from not losing more of your shit. Checking your photos was a no-no. It would make everything worse, considering you left without warning anyone, abandoning them to the terrifying thought of you being gone. You don't know what you were thinking. You know exactly why you did it.  
You couldn't take it anymore. Why didn't take a vessel at least? Everything was fine. But it was suffocating for you. You did everything right. It was fine untYou saved them all! You said your goodbyes and watch the sunset together! And life went on!!

The sunset...

The symbolic end of a cycle, isn't it?

It was supposed to.be.it. You have let the overflowing feeling of relief and happiness go through you, doing your best not thinking about it.  
Every story has an end. You were, I dunno, supposed to leave the stage, reach the credits, and move on to the next universe. Even if the thought of leaving them was sadly crushing, this is what should have happened.

What did happen, just..went beyond your expectations. Like a kaleidoscope.

Of course you can physically progress through fictional worlds, of course you used game mechanism as mundanely as going to the convenience store. Of course you died more than you can bother count in a sane manner.

And then, instead of everything going dark.. it continued.

You headed to the nearest town, which was still quite a hike down the mountain, and made your existence known to the residing humans. You acted as a mediator at first, the previous accumulation of complications and bloodshed drained you out. When things got more complex and political, you let your friends handle it. Heavy responsibilities aren't for you.

You move out from the **UNDERGROUNDS** , into a cozy little house in a residential district with your adoptive mom. Between celebrating your freedom and accommodating to your new situation, you were all over the place. After an exhausting day of moving cardboards containing your stuff, you slyly slipped with sloppy steps into your room. And dramatically collapsed on your freshly constructed bed. It was so much. But despite everything, it was good.

While you did move in with your mom, your dad on the other hand, had to go somewhere else. Divorce sucks. But it is understandable. Imagine your ex-husband who was king once declared war out of rage and end up killing several human kids in order to appease the popular opinion and attempt to free thousand of imprisoned monster citizens. Yeah, a decision hard to forgive. So they both live in different houses, in a different district. They don't talk to each other much. Didn't prevent you from visiting him once a week. On wednesdays. Used to. Anyway!

As for your friends, you regularly visit them. Anime marathons, showcases of mechanical prototypes, friendly yet still dangerous magical spar matches (your stamina, dodging abilities and aim significantly got better), puzzle solving sessions on afternoons (eh, like the good old times, yet paradoxically never get old), and urgh you have the 'oh so glamorous' privilege to assist to the number one star adored by both humans and monsters, always as a VeryImportantPerson. Him and you go along now, you guess. Yeah. Yeah, despite the huge gap between your values and personality, you two are friends. He finally realised his dream and is now happy. You're happy for him too.

_But why did you left then, dear?_

Speaking of fame, you got a job! With the support of your favorite skeleton pal, you got hired as full-time japanese translator. Your boss, er you don't like the term, your supervisor is a strict and sharp lady but a good mentor nonetheless. A fair person that doesn't let you live without making you recognise your bullshit. You can respect that. You work hard, aid your colleagues and are acknowledge for your efforts and skills. You love your job, hehe! And life went on. And on. The routine took roots into days, then weeks, spreading to months. After the two years anniversary of monsterkind liberation, you started to got a bit bored. 'That's okay', you told yourself. 'It's the aftermath of all those twists and turns. I just have to find new things to do, new events to attend to' you nod agreeing and drinking your own words, as if they were an unbreakable truth.

That's what you did. But then. It didn't feel right. Something was off. For an innocent bystander the whole situation was normal at first glance, so you didn't understand why you bother fretting about it. A home and loving family, check. Friends that care about you and whom you can visit, check. Stable incomes and rewarding job, check. Delicious home-made desserts, mega check. Comfort and nothing that can harm your soul, yeah check obviously. You looked and ponder about it in all the angles you could think of. Leaving you numb and bewildered. You continued your daily routine, but the thought never left you. It grown, subjugating more and more of your mind. 'Something's wrong, what is wrong? I did everything right, all the people I know are happy. So why? I can't put my finger on it, I can't put my finger on it, I can't put my finger on it.

I̷̡͙̲̊̇̔͞ͅ c̸̡̗͑͠ḁ̷̧̬҇̒̾̀ṇ̴͕̅͢͝'̸̨̮͎̈͠t̵̡͉̰͔̅͗̄͝ p҈̢͍̮̣͂̈̉̕u̴̖̲҇̈́̓͜t̵͖̮͊̕͢ͅ m҉̢̛͙̿̈y҉̨͙̄̿͝ f̶̨͇҇̉̄i҈̢͙̳̲̈́̅͝ņ̵͔̲̖̆̌͞g̶̡͇͔̔́͠e̵̫̫̞̽̈̄͜͝ȑ̵̯͊̈͜͠ ỏ̵̪̬̈̕͜ǹ̶̢͖͡ i҈͙̯̆̕͢t҈̨̮͚̖҇̾

You kept ignoring it, and it kept taking more space that you were confortable with. Until you didn't care. About anything. Each time you visit your friends, you came back home without the usual warmth and delight, each sentence translated was more hollow than the previous ones, each pie you used to savor end up being tasteless on your tongue. Any activity couldn't satisfy you, couldn't fill the void. You woke up, ate, work, went home, answered emails, randomly freaked out, went to bed exhausted, repeat. And with time, 'something's wrong' turned into 'something's wrong with me'. You came to realise after a painful amount of time, that you would never be content with your current situation. You don't know why.. you know what? Yes you did. You wasn't sure how to bring out this subject to anyone. You couldn't have said something. Asked for advices, or just vent about it. Warped with self-loathing, you convinced yourself that it would ruin everyone's mood, make them worried. Mum's the word, especially from mom.

_What was their name, love? What is your **NAME**?_

My name is… wait what? I know my name, why should I say it? Like, "Please enter your name, new **PLAYER** "? That doesn't make sense. I'm losing my marbles. Well, didn't need to avoid my photos, I went on **MEMORY LANE** regardless. After work today, crossing the Revoco bridge like usual, I stopped to look at the **SUNSET**. It's the only thing that still manage to make me feel. Comfort, melancholia, a familiar sadness, and nostalgia. I gaze at it, it went on its slow descend, I watched it, for who knows how long, then stand there briefcase in hand. It reminded me, reminded me that everything was the same and life goes on, would go on even if I wasn't there. That nothing would change if I didn't decide to **ACT** and make things move. Sounds optimistic? Wrong. I was so caughtup in the euphoria of having all that validation that for a minute I forgot that I lived in a video game. A limited reality, with limited options and scripted dialogues. I think that if this world could go on for that long, it was because of me. I wished for this world to exist beyond the original code. And it did. The happiness covered that dreadful sound of the finger of the monkey's paw, creaking.

I was supposed to leave. And so, on that bridge, with a pissed expression and with a renew **DETERMINATION** , I said "Fuck it". Went home, offered a pleasant reassuring smile to **MOM** , and rush toward my room to gather my stuff. Clothes, of course, with a spare of underwear. My sketchbook, along with my pencil case and crayons. A (1) **COOKBOOK** , not sure how it would be useful, but oh well, I trust my intuition. My portable computer, even if I wouldn't immediately find a plug socket, it was undeniable that I need it. Several (11) objects were added and before long, I noticed that my **INVENTORY** was cranked and that all my items wouldn't fit in. I opted to transfer part of it into one of my **LEGENDARY ARTEFACT** (no, not the one I lost to the dog), the one with infinite space in it. Once I was done putting them in the mysterious black cube, I judged right to take the other artefact too, the one that have control over time. Both **KEYS** secured, I cogitated on what was required for such trip. Ah, **BANDAGES** of course.

As for food.. well since nothing had flavour anymore I didn't bother. I survived with little after all. Then I stealthily left, best not to linger and dealing with MOM being emotional. 'Cowardly' you would say, 'pragmatism' I thought at the moment. It would leave evidence, and I just can't deal with it.

So I took off, I floated, far far away, up high in the sky. Head full of thoughts at first, then got easily distracted by the scenery. It was hard to see anything in the night, with the occasional fear of violently crashing into an avian, but if I keep moving I'll eventually leave the atmosphere, right? A voice in my head whispered to not look back. The temptation to reconsider and drop at one of my friend's house was present, like a cat scratching at the door, asking to let them in. I halted, dropping my gaze to the world below.

Damn it was beautiful. A deep blue canvas graced by the million of glowing lights, shining brightly all over the place, some in motion. It's mesmerizing, in a warm and eerie way. My trance was interrupted as I began to shiver, the cold catching up due to inactivity, and probably because of the height too. I was saying goodbye to this, but found solace in the thought of discovering another place, swarming with those hearty blazes. Head empty, heart heavy, I elevated myself at a higher altitude. In retrospect, it was endlessly silly to not have activated a bubble full of oxygen. I might unconsciously want a reason to go back, to abruptly abort this risky venture. Or simply put an end to all this.

That was the whole point, isn't it? Make or break, making it through or die trying. So here I am, still alive and astray. And now contemplating my predicament, a brand new thought pulsate: what if it ends up being neither? A situation leading to a stalemate. I'm in space without protection, yet I can breathe? I went into the depths of the universe, yet I found nothing? Disappointment and frustration woke at this information. "I can't give up" I exhaled in a murmur. "Not yet".

I reach my message app one more time, scraping at the abyss like a mad man, and send one last SOS.

??: Hello, is anyone there? Please help I'm stuck.  
??: I'm alone, didn't bring food or oxygen supplies and I don't know how long I will last with neither.  
??: Anyone.  
??: I can't do this..  


I waited. It's absurd but it is my last spark of hope. So I throw a metaphorical shout, echoing through the big immensity of everything, I looked at the abyss, it looked back, intensely into the corners of the unknown, querying an unspoken question.

And when I was about to quit, on knife's edge, the void answered back.

TG: wow hi  


**Author's Note:**

> 08/19/2020 Edit:
> 
> "Like a fool would throw into the sea  
> Empty bottles and then wish  
> That people will read through it  
> S.O.S written with some air  
> To convey that I'm alone  
> I’ll draw to you with blank ink  
> A desert
> 
> And I run  
> I'm hanging on to dear life  
> I intoxicate myself with noise  
> From nearby bodies  
> Like vines knotted with braids  
> Without grasping the distress  
> Of the words I send"
> 
> Excerpt from the song "All the shouts the S.O.S", written, composed and sang by Daniel Balavoine, released in 1985.  
> French song that I translated for the sake of this fic.
> 
> https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Daniel_Balavoine


End file.
